As I sit in the ill-lit theater of the Krieger building, struggling to even pretend as though I'm paying attention to the monotonous ramblings of my Anthropology professor, I can't help but notice that I am currently wearing 4 completely unique patterns. That's right, four. And today is a tame day for me.
As a hipster, your choice in apparel is an enigma to mainstream America. Are we simultaneously suffering from colorblindness, ADHD, Schitzotypal Personality Disorder, and a complete lack of awareness of social norms or are we just awesome? The answer is one that only a true hipster knows. As a CollegeACB proclaimed, certifiable hipster, I am about to disclose to you one of the world's most pressing and unanswered questions about hipster culture: We just like patterns.
Vertical stripes CAN be paired with horizontal stripes. Paisley looks best when paired with a paisley scarf, paisley pants, and a floral carpet bag. Layering three different flannels ALWAYS looks better than just one. So the next time you are stressing about the fact that you can't find the brown-toned shirt that goes with your crimson-toned high-waisted skirt, don't stress! The bright yellow scarf you picked up at Goodwill yesterday, your "World's Best Grandpa" t-shirt, and the garish lace tights you secretly picked up at Urban but will tell everyone that they belonged to your mom in the 70's are all completely acceptable substitutes.
Confuse people with your clothing. No one will question it.
Also, it helps to shave half of your head bald. You can quite literally wear whatever the fuck you want if your head is half shaved.
To simplify things for you, I have provided photos and captionz:
What she thinks the world is thinking- "I am an complete awe about how this hipster has artfully blurred the boundary between business casual and walk of shame. She is just the right amount of cutting edge to make me feel completely inferior."
What the world is actually thinking- "LOL so funny, I have the same vest from H&M in my closet, that girl and I are total soul twins! I want to approach her!"
What he thinks the world is thinking- TRICK QUESTION. He doesn't. This boss does what he wants, when he wants. This badass OG spends his days casually swinging his completely unnecessary umbrella from side to side, pondering life, and constantly relishing in how awesome he he looks in his checkered pants and bow tie. Keep being awesome, fellow hipster.
What the world is actually thinking- "This guy is so fucking badass, he is actually making the sky smile. I'm just going to appreciate his glory from afar and let him continue on his classy way."
As a hipster, your choice in apparel is an enigma to mainstream America. Are we simultaneously suffering from colorblindness, ADHD, Schitzotypal Personality Disorder, and a complete lack of awareness of social norms or are we just awesome? The answer is one that only a true hipster knows. As a CollegeACB proclaimed, certifiable hipster, I am about to disclose to you one of the world's most pressing and unanswered questions about hipster culture: We just like patterns.
Vertical stripes CAN be paired with horizontal stripes. Paisley looks best when paired with a paisley scarf, paisley pants, and a floral carpet bag. Layering three different flannels ALWAYS looks better than just one. So the next time you are stressing about the fact that you can't find the brown-toned shirt that goes with your crimson-toned high-waisted skirt, don't stress! The bright yellow scarf you picked up at Goodwill yesterday, your "World's Best Grandpa" t-shirt, and the garish lace tights you secretly picked up at Urban but will tell everyone that they belonged to your mom in the 70's are all completely acceptable substitutes.
Confuse people with your clothing. No one will question it.
Also, it helps to shave half of your head bald. You can quite literally wear whatever the fuck you want if your head is half shaved.
To simplify things for you, I have provided photos and captionz:
What the world is actually thinking- "LOL so funny, I have the same vest from H&M in my closet, that girl and I are total soul twins! I want to approach her!"
What he thinks the world is thinking- TRICK QUESTION. He doesn't. This boss does what he wants, when he wants. This badass OG spends his days casually swinging his completely unnecessary umbrella from side to side, pondering life, and constantly relishing in how awesome he he looks in his checkered pants and bow tie. Keep being awesome, fellow hipster.
What the world is actually thinking- "This guy is so fucking badass, he is actually making the sky smile. I'm just going to appreciate his glory from afar and let him continue on his classy way."
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