This isn't a tip but it's still hip

Hey friends. Sorry I never post anymore. It's not that I'm busy, it's that I'm very scattered. I'll try to do better but I think it's safe to assume that my current posting pattern won't change very much.

Anyways I was inspired to write a tip but then I lay down in my bed and I decided I didn't have the energy to write it after all. But in order to keep Brooklyn's wrath at bay I needed to post something, so I chose this because it took zero brain power but all of you blooming hipsters will still **eat it up.

So......without further ado......

PICTURES OF THINGS I'VE PURCHASED FROM THRIFT STORES WITHIN THE LAST TWO WEEKS!!!!!!!!!

(because nothing is hipper than thrifting.)

(ok so this one wasn't thrifted. this is from UO and I paid entirely too much money for it but it was entirely worth it)

That's all for now guyz. I'll get back to you with that tip soon!

** Eat it up was a very awkward thing to say and I realize this but I chose to say it anyway and my reason is two-fold
fold 1: I had no idea what I was talking about and how to end the sentence
fold 2: I use cliches, it's just something I do. I see no reason to alter my behavior. Sorry I'm not sorry.

Tip #22: YOU are not Salvador Dali, sorry

Oh my non-existant LORD! WHY, pray tell, do I still see the creeper Dali 'staches everywhere? If any of you are slightly cocking your head to the side in confusion I mean moustaches crafted in the style of...


This guy.

I will say this once and only once. Salvador Dali is the only person who can pull that off because he was a talented genius and NOT a scrawny Vice magazine subscriber who has not contributed anything to today's culture. Was that harsh? Good. So is looking at your greasy/sculpted moustache.

Like, seriously. I can't not look at it. But more often than not, a Dali 'stache will grace the oily face of a thin lipped Hipster male who is channeling more of John Waters look than Dali. I get that when this trend first BOOMED like the festering plague that it is, it was "ZOMG so ironic it huuuuuuurts." But, the very small window of time allotted for that fad to come and leave is over and I really can't believe how many ironic mustaches are still out there. I am fine with the regular "razors aren't my style so Imma let this thing above my lip grow" mustaches - fine do it. See if I care. But if you are in any way styling your facial hair - STOP STOP STOP!!! It's tacky and I hate you.

Love,

Vice is TOTALLY Mainstream

Sorry Hipsters, it seems as though another one of your precious publications has taken the leap from run-down and shabby to mainstream. The company in question is Vice Media, the publishers of Vice Magazine.

Now, I may dig myself a little ditch here by bring up my familiarity with the magazine... but oh well. When I worked at American Apparel (yeah... more like a grave than a ditch - I'M SORRY!!) we had to lay out all the free copies of Vice monthly. And those suckers were snatched up in the blink of any eye! Then again, I was working in Brooklyn... an American Apparel in Brooklyn. Free copies of Vice didn't stand a chance. Regardless, I often read the magazine because it was free and available. Between spreads of half clothed women and what appeared to be the GREASIEST party photos ever, I found some worthwhile reads. Two favorites of mine:

1. The Eyes Have it - girls talking about what it's like to wear the Niqab 
2. Hock Talk - read all about pawn shops in different cities... some really weird stories there

But, now... it's going to be a much different magazine.

Too funny

Columbia and I were stopped walking out of our dorm by a girl who wanted to post a photo of us on her fashion blog. I debated whether or not to share this information but it's too damn funny! Here we are bashing an entire community of trendy mo fo's - and when we get complimented on being hip we turn into these blushing/we're-full-of-awesome-high hypocriiiitezzzz.

TIP #21: Don't ever try to actually be [insert world famous author here]

I know you fancy yourself a book savvy dude, BUT don't actually test the theory out. See Hipsters are really good at likening themselves to certain cultural geniuses, quoting every line of Bartlett's, or just showing ... uh... enthusiasm for people they admire. William Shakespeare is a natural, acceptably mainstream, choice. No one can deny that Billy could write a play, and write it well. Same goes for Dante. Although he's pretty cocky through out his epic... He claims that he was graced a visit to Hell because he was such an amazing writer God wanted his genius self to be our poetic tour guide. But, dude's got a point. He may have not had modesty, but he had talent.

And why, do you ask, this seemed an appropriate tip to write at 2:30 AM? Because Columbia and I have been assigned to write in their likeness and it's brutal. And I am tired.

YELP! I just spotted a Hipster!

Do you ever have one of those moments where you sort of notice something, move on, and then sudden realization pours over you and you do that intense double take of disbelief? Well, that just happened. Not two minutes before I began typing away at this I noticed something very strange on my Yelp app for Android.

You see, I was looking up Vietnamese food places because I have an obsession with phở (no really, I have two phở shirts and crave it often) when I noticed that Yelp users have the option to categorize the ambiance of an establishment as - you guessed it - Hipster! WHAAAAT?! That's an ambiance?! Or is it the ironic lack of ambiance? Or maybe the scale of how intensely the other patrons will judge you during your meal? Or maybe how often M.Ward can be heard softly playing in the background and bar fights erupt because -as we all know - Pitchfork totally ruined M.Ward for the rest of us!

However, I'm not the only one who finds this crazy. And what does Hipster ambiance mean?

Tip #20: GO TO BED!

All I'm saying is that sometimes real world issues effect us Hipsters. Sometimes we need to drop our "important" issues/habits/activities in order to perform in the real world. Maybe you have a test. Maybe you have an extremely important monologue to perform and you can't... i dunno... sleep through it? It's not like I'm talking from experience or anything...

But maybe. Just maybe. Staying up to the wee hours of the night, surrounded by others furiously working on the assignments they too neglected, isn't the best way to success. Did you really have to go thrifting instead of working? Was that extra joint to "calm you down" really necessary? And for the love of god did you at least set a goddamn alarm?! No? Well that's because the curse of the apathetic Hipster does not mesh well with school work.

So stop looking for tools of procrastination. You don't need seventeen cigarette breaks (even though it hurts) and you DON'T need to browse through other indie-fresh blogs instead of running lines. I mean... of course this is all hypothetical.

I'm just saying... this could happen to you. One night. You stay up late. You arrive 20 minutes late for your performance. Wearing the same clothes from yesterday. Looking like a zombie.
Not like I know anything about this... I'm just saying... it happens.

Spanking New

Hello world. I cleaned up the front page of the Tumblr site so GO CHECK IT OUT! It's pretty simple, looks like a notebook, and i'm not quite happy with it yet. But hopefully Columbia can take a swing at it. Anyhoo, enjoy!

A BIG THANKS to Nikki Brion for the theme! The header and additions were made by me.

Just a Hipster Tipster

Although this particular version of the site is our mother ship of sorts, we often just post some random findings on the Tumblr version of the site. It's only because Tumblr is a bit more convenient to reblog a funny post or update with something we thought you all would like - and quickly. Any life changing events involving this blog will most certainly be posted here. It's just a little harder to update Blogger with all the random tidbits that float into our minds, and not have it be a process. Even this small post is taking waaaay longer than Tumblr.

And don't forget the Hipster Survival Guide's Twitter. I've been making a real effort to update it pretty often, so go ahead - follow us. What could go wrong? You'll find a link to hipster hilarity? And we want your input, we LOVE input. I realize that if Columbia and I want this project of ours to be any good we have to dedicate a little more time and not just go on blogging/tweeting binges.

We'll try to be better!

---
You can find us at:
Hipster Survival @ Tumblr.com
Hipster Survival @ Twitter.com

See you there.

Tip #19: Hipsters gotta hold it

Now you may be thinking? Hold it? Hold what? Uber trendy eco friendly tote bags expressing the hippest cause of the moment? Nope. Your bladders my dearest hipsters.
Think back throughout the many helpful tips we have provided and you will come to the conclusion that hipsters dig the layers. Tank tops, on buttons downs, on sweaters, on tights, on knee highs, on skirts, and about a thousand scarves. Sounds about right. But then comes the moment when you are sitting casually in some abandoned warehouse sipping on PBR and chain smoking (ciggs are a diuretic) and you think "oh damn. I have to PEE!" And by the time you magically get yourself to a bathroom (aka a sketchy alley where you have decided to pop-a-squat) and you realize how many godforsaken layers you have to strip off before you can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

What could be a 2 minute event has become a minimum of a 10 minute struggle involving a lot of core strength and undressing-redressing. So what do we do? Refuse to layer ourselves like homeless people? But how will people know the sheer variety of hip that our wardrobes contain? There are pills and stuff that truckers take to make those stretches of highway longer... but that seems terribly unnatural. If you happen to have an extra appendage (i'm looking at you fellas) than a stadium buddy can solve all your issues. Of course you run the risk of people thinking you are suffering from a violent allergic reaction in your calf or possibly the irritation that an adhesive condom might provide.... but hipstah status ain't easy.

Unfortunately we have to wait till the warmer months when the biggest issue becomes a romper with a tricky series of buttons... until then mark your exits clearly and don't forget to go before you leave the house. Maybe try a more substantial drink than flat light beer that'll do the job quicker too.

Learn to hold it my trendy minions. Our apathetic appearances are totally ruined when we're plagued by natural urges - we aren't real people. As Tim Gun would say, "make it work."

Happy travels,

Thanks to Kendall for the tip submission. Your struggles have not been for nothing.

Gaddafi Can Hipster and So Can You

Why hello my precious little hipsters,

Now, I realize that Columbia and I have had an inexcusably long hiatus and, as my communications class constantly reminds me, a good blog must stay updated. LO SIENTO! Not that any of you are too cut up about it, the American Spirit ya'll puffed away on in anticipation of an update has surely ashed into nothingness by now - I kid.

Anyway, I realized an inherent problem with the type of posts Columbia and I have been writing... they all "have" to be advice/tips. Now, I'm going to be honest, often my tips are born out of inspiration from every day happenings - watching a hipster struggle with the various safety pins holding his/her garment together or every so often smiling as I see a pair of over the knee socks strut on pass me. So what do we do? Let this blog wither away into nothingness and collect dust on the virtual shelf in the Internet's creepy basement? NO!! So basically I'm just gonna post all things hipster and tease 'em till I start to feel mean.

Are we all on board? Any questions?

Anyway, just recently I was trying to be a good journalism major and decided to check up on the world. Of course all the nitty gritty facts barely had time to register before I made an outstanding realization. Muammar Gaddafi is a hipster.