Wow. Hello friends, it has been FAR too long. Life has just been too much for me to handle. Nevertheless, I’ve returned back to planet earth and have no excuse not to blog anymore. So without further ado:
Tip #16: Get $$ (and lots of it)
Seriously, if daddy has cut you off or he was never providing for you in the first place then you have two choices: get a job or accept your mainstream status. As much as we like to complain about how we have no money to our names, it just isn’t true. Hipsters can’t be hip without adequate funding. Every five minutes something you’re interested in becomes mainstream and something even more obscure takes its place. Your interests are CONSTANTLY changing, and whether you like it or not, it costs some serious cash money to keep up.
Let me break it down for y’all:
Chances are you’re a smoker, especially if you’ve just recently come in to your hipster identity. That’s anywhere from 8 to 30 dollars a week depending on the intensity of your habit/where you live. And chances are you probably aren’t only smoking cigarettes, so factor in your marijuana habit and we could be talking up to 80 dollars a week JUST on smoke you inhale.
Music can be a killer too, and I’m not talking about the 36 albums you downloaded on Pirates Bay over the course of an hour because I’m sure you have an entire folder filled with pie charts you found on tumblr that justify the illegal downloading of music. I talking concerts, events, and various other shows. Lucky for you, the music you like is still so "underground" hat the concert tickets usually only cost about 20 dollars. However, it’s likely that you’re going to one of these shows about once every two weeks. Factor that in to your weekly budget and that’s an extra 10 dollars a week! What’s even worse is that when you’re not going to a concert, you're going to some sort of museum event or outdoor market because hipsters DO NOT spend their weekends waking up at 2pm and stumbling on the internet......that definitely never happens ever......
If you’re a dedicated Hipster Survival reader then by now you understand just how important your clothes are. This is where things get tricky because your clothes are being seen by every mainstream citizen you pass, and the ridiculous nature of your ensemble is bound to turn heads. It’s amazing how little time it takes for a hipster trend to be mass-produced at Forever 21. You have to always be on your toes, constantly hitting up Goodwill to replace the clothes that you were practically obligated to discard when you saw Miley rocking the same outfit on the cover of one of the trashy magazines you still secretly purchase (it’s ok, we all have our mainstream guilty pleasures). And don’t be fooled....even though that skirt is only 2.50$, it’s negated by the fact that you’re buying it along with 40 other items that all “only cost 2.50$.” This ritual occurs about every 3 or 4 weeks. Let’s call that about 20 dollars a week that you need to be putting aside, which means that you need to be coming up with about 100$ a week in order to properly typecast yourself!
Guys, this is just the basics. I’m not even taking into account that you only eat food that has been grown by a morally sound family farm in Oregon that costs about 3 times as much as the high-fructose corn syrup products you can pick up at any local Safeway. No no. These are just the fundamental costs of hipster living.
In other words, don’t be fooled. No real hipster is actually broke. Get on Yelp and start making a list of local book stores, coffee shops, and record stores and start spicy editing that resume.
Tip #16: Get $$ (and lots of it)
Seriously, if daddy has cut you off or he was never providing for you in the first place then you have two choices: get a job or accept your mainstream status. As much as we like to complain about how we have no money to our names, it just isn’t true. Hipsters can’t be hip without adequate funding. Every five minutes something you’re interested in becomes mainstream and something even more obscure takes its place. Your interests are CONSTANTLY changing, and whether you like it or not, it costs some serious cash money to keep up.
Let me break it down for y’all:
Chances are you’re a smoker, especially if you’ve just recently come in to your hipster identity. That’s anywhere from 8 to 30 dollars a week depending on the intensity of your habit/where you live. And chances are you probably aren’t only smoking cigarettes, so factor in your marijuana habit and we could be talking up to 80 dollars a week JUST on smoke you inhale.
Music can be a killer too, and I’m not talking about the 36 albums you downloaded on Pirates Bay over the course of an hour because I’m sure you have an entire folder filled with pie charts you found on tumblr that justify the illegal downloading of music. I talking concerts, events, and various other shows. Lucky for you, the music you like is still so "underground" hat the concert tickets usually only cost about 20 dollars. However, it’s likely that you’re going to one of these shows about once every two weeks. Factor that in to your weekly budget and that’s an extra 10 dollars a week! What’s even worse is that when you’re not going to a concert, you're going to some sort of museum event or outdoor market because hipsters DO NOT spend their weekends waking up at 2pm and stumbling on the internet......that definitely never happens ever......
If you’re a dedicated Hipster Survival reader then by now you understand just how important your clothes are. This is where things get tricky because your clothes are being seen by every mainstream citizen you pass, and the ridiculous nature of your ensemble is bound to turn heads. It’s amazing how little time it takes for a hipster trend to be mass-produced at Forever 21. You have to always be on your toes, constantly hitting up Goodwill to replace the clothes that you were practically obligated to discard when you saw Miley rocking the same outfit on the cover of one of the trashy magazines you still secretly purchase (it’s ok, we all have our mainstream guilty pleasures). And don’t be fooled....even though that skirt is only 2.50$, it’s negated by the fact that you’re buying it along with 40 other items that all “only cost 2.50$.” This ritual occurs about every 3 or 4 weeks. Let’s call that about 20 dollars a week that you need to be putting aside, which means that you need to be coming up with about 100$ a week in order to properly typecast yourself!
Guys, this is just the basics. I’m not even taking into account that you only eat food that has been grown by a morally sound family farm in Oregon that costs about 3 times as much as the high-fructose corn syrup products you can pick up at any local Safeway. No no. These are just the fundamental costs of hipster living.
In other words, don’t be fooled. No real hipster is actually broke. Get on Yelp and start making a list of local book stores, coffee shops, and record stores and start spicy editing that resume.
1 comments:
Happy new year, and here's to a successful 2011!
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